I had a dream

Me with my mother (Ernestine Johns) who is holding Alethea and my grandmother (Maggie O'Quinn) in 1977.


I often dream of my parents. Those dreams are always pleasant but sometimes strange. Two nights before Charlie was born I had a dream about my mother. In the dream she was a middle aged woman and she was very pregnant. With travail she gave birth to a beautiful baby. When I awoke I could not help but reflect upon the irony of the dream. I had gone to bed prayerfully anticipating the birth of my grandson. Somehow, thoughts of my daughter giving birth had transitioned into dreams about my mother giving birth.

There is in each of us an inmate desire to tie together our past with our future. Each of us hungers to hold on to the people, possessions and ideas that gave birth to us. We want to savor them and to pass them (or at least the memory of them) on to our children and our grandchildren. What ever good there is in me, it came by the grace of God through the influence of my mother and my father. When I consider the beauty and the grace of my two daughters I see in them not my influence but the power of my mother’s prayers. In those moments I feel so very inadequate. Have I lived before my daughter’s a life that communicates the love and presence of God as vibrant as I received? Will the grace I have received live on in my grandchildren? From my lofty position as a grand-father, will I project into their lives hopes and dreams that stretch beyond this world? Will their thoughts of me contribute an unshakable faith in God’s loving presence?

As I held Charlie for the first time last Thursday, I prayed silently the same prayer I had prayed when I held his mother and his aunt Karisa and his sister Camdyn for the first time. “Father, keep him safe and well, but above all, may he grow to know You, to love You, and to serve You with all of his heart.” I then whispered into his ear the promise I had given to his mother, aunt and sister, “you can become anything you and God desire for you to be.”

When Camdyn was born I was surprised by one lasting influence on me; I felt, and feel, an awesome responsibility, the responsibility of influence without power. As her grandfather I have no decision making power over her life. Yet, I feel responsible for her wellbeing and future. I was prepared for the unspeakable joy but not for this. Now, I have that same feeling about Charlie. I want to give to them an unshakable faith in the love and presence of almighty God. I want them to know His peace and the joy that comes from serving Him. I want to be a better, more reliable witness to those truths.